quoted:

"You want some of this kid? You want it?"
-me. I'm a hit with the kids

feel this:

"...when everything inside me feels like everything I hate, you are the hope I have for change, you are the only chance I'll take..." Switchfoot

I feel like I've been in a funk lately. I feel funky. But not necessarily in a bad way. There are bad things and good things about it. I've been doing some thinking, some reading, some praying, some observing, some wandering, and I've gleaned good and bad for all of my troubles.
I feel like I might be near a breakthrough, but knowing me, I will probably never "break through."
I think I had too many days off last week. It gave me too much time to think. I feel like I've spent a lot of time alone, which isn't really true. I haven't spent any more time alone than usual lately. Maybe I just feel alone, and not in a bad way entirely. Like the way I know I am writing this for someone to read, and no one is really going to read it, besides the people who already know me best and could probably figure out what I'm going to say before I say it. It's the way you feel like you've done everything you can think of to get your message out, your point across, and no one is paying attention. It's not that they don't agree with you or dislike you or think you're particularly offensive. To whomever it is you're trying to speak, you are not there. And there is nothing you can do about it.
That's what it's like.
And yes, that sucks. But it's okay too, because you've (I've) finally REALIZED that that's what it's like and that all of your (my) best efforts, all of your (my) pretty words have been in vain, and it's time to start looking for someone who is going to listen to you (me) and SEE you.
We've all heard that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Well, here's a new one: indifference is the sincerest form of rejection. It's a tough one to learn, especially when you think you can MAKE someone see you, make someone hear you, make someone love you. You can't. That's it. Ouch. Move on.
And that's the not entirely bad part of it, when you've finally figured that out, at least for now, for a little while, until you have to figure it out again.

yesterday // life goes on