quoted:

"You want some of this kid? You want it?"
-me. I'm a hit with the kids

feel this:

"...when everything inside me feels like everything I hate, you are the hope I have for change, you are the only chance I'll take..." Switchfoot

After my last entry, if there is anyone out there who still reads this, they probably noted that some time had passed and I hadn't written another entry, and figured I'd offed myself. Well, i didn't, and oddly enough things have been looking up since that very night.
I didn't end up going to work that night. My GM, Lenea, called me literally seconds after I'd posted the entry to ask me if I wanted the night off cause work was going to be slow. So I pretty much gave her my life story and every reason I didn't want to work (I was really trying to convince myself that it was okay that I wasn't going to work and making money), and then when I hung up I was completely miserable and hating myself for NOT going into work when it was the last thing I wanted to do. Then I remembered that Sara's spa/bachelorette party was happening that night and I could go! So I did. We spaed it up, we had applebees for dinner, I got to spend time with Sara before she moves off to Ireland to get civilly married, so all in all it was completely wonderful that I didn't go to work.
And the next day Lenea assured me that I hadn't missed anything, which made me feel better.
And that was kind of a turning point, at least for my attitude. I've been floating along, completely distracted by this grad school junk and completely convinced that I'm not getting in anywhere, that I haven't been the cheeriest person to be around. I've been even more self absorbed than usual, which is pretty intense. So I'm doing my best to put everything in God's hands. I don't know what's going to happen. I don't know where my life is going. I don' know where I'll be next year. I have one more audition in Texas. My mom and I are flying out Thursday morning (Mom's coming with because of my semi-panicked phone call when I was in Denver, lost and alone in the middle of a blizzard and hurricane winds and she feels that even though we will get lost in Texas as well, at least we'll be together) for my audition on Friday and i could die in a plane crash for all I know.
I could wake up tomorrow and be completely mute. Once, a couple of years ago a friend asked me what I would want to do with my life if I woke up the next day completely mute, and I made some crap up about being a humor columnist or something. But I've been thinking about it a lot lately. What if I decide this singing thing is not worth it? What if school doesn't work out? What the hell WOULD I do? (Sidenote: The answer that was in my mind at the time is no longer relevant. I believe it was something along the lines of 'bear your children.'That would have really taken the convo in a different direction had I said it out loud. Huh.)
Well, I am obviously way off topic, so I'll just stay off topic. Last night I had to opportunity to go out with a bunch of people from work. There was a big promotional thing at the Big Easy, a concert venue/bar here in town, called the Bartender's Ball, and a bunch of people from restaurants in Spokane were there. You had to RSVP and be put on a list and everything. I felt pretty important. It was a fun experience, quite interesting as well, as I don't spend much time outside of work with work people, my homegirl Kira being the exception:-) Turns out the promo was for Jameson Whiskey, which made me a little sad. There were free drinks, but it was really just free whiskey, which I'd never tasted, and which I decided i don't like very much. They had a lot of free food as well, although most of it was just some veggie or meat type product dipped in batter and fried. I didn't complain.
As I said, it was interesting, to say the least. Kira, Heather, Lenea, and I hung out in the bathroom talking for a long time. Eli was trying to work his magic with the ladies. Ryan was wearing a sport jacket and wasn't being a complete ass. Dave, on the other hand WAS being a complete ass and when I pointed it out, not very sensitively, that he was acting like a gigantic shallow bastard, we exchanged some words. And he flipped me off. I've never been earnestly flipped off before. It was strangely exhilirating.
Right now I'm sitting at the computer (obviously) listening to The Avalanche and it is just making me so very happy. I was telling my mom yesterday that Sufjan is making it very hard for me to ever get married because part of me just can't picture marrying a man who can't play the banjo. haha.
Speaking of men, I may or may not have a crush on a guy who plays guitar at St. Stephen's. The problem is, I am a horrible judge of age and he could be 40 for all i can tell. Or 18. These younger guys who look older keep tricking me. And he seems very odd and quiet, kind of serial killer-esque. But heck, he wears some really cute sweaters.
I should really go to bed. Since I'm not going on facebook for lent I'm probably going to end up spending just as much time on the internet via diaryland. And all of my loyal readers rejoice! hahaha. i guess i will be happy when I go back in a couple years and read these entries, which I do occasionally.

quote: "His girlfriend is orange." heather
song: Chicago (Adult contemporary easy listening version)

yesterday // life goes on