It's so hard to get myself to practice. I have to pull myself from whatever mind numbing activity I'm engaged in and focus on all of my vocal flaws for as long as my voice can stand. It rarely ever happens that I'm happy with the sounds that come out of my mouth, but there's always something, some color or especially expressive passage that eventually clicks. And when that happens, there's no better feeling in the world.
So I guess that's why I keep doing it?...It seems silly to devote my education to singing, to pretty much ensure a lifetime of poverty and being a total freak just because I'm addicted to the way it makes me feel when I make a sound I'm happy with. I've questioned it a lot over the past several years, but never enough to actually stop and do something else.
So far I've had the luxury of "following my passion." How long that will last, I don't know. I may end up waiting tables for the rest of my life because of the potentially stupid choices I've made. Right now, though, when i'm coming off a practicing high, it's easy to say that I'm okay with that, as long as I can occasionally sing for people, and hopefully make them feel what I am feeling, make them passionate about a piece, a line, a measure, a single NOTE. I realize this is ridiculous. This is why artists end up getting depressed and killing themselves.
But, let's face it. It's easy to be passionate about Debussy. Most of his vocal work is all about sex anyway. Makes it easy to sing emotively.
You'd think it would be easier to get myself to practice.
song: "Open Your Heart" Lavender Diamond
yesterday // life goes on
